If you’ve ever been cornered by a member of the gay mafia, you know that their arguments in defense of gay advocacy aren’t exactly genius.  But unfortunately, while most conservatives deeply know that gay advocacy envelops itself in non-logic, most of us don’t know how to counter effectively.  As such, for all those culture warriors out there who are tired of being beaten over the head with stupid, here are the eight dumbest and most widely accepted arguments of the gay “rights” movement, and the counter-arguments necessary to defeat them.

1) “We just want to be able to get married!”

Bizarrely enough, while most espousing gay advocacy claim that marriage isn’t an option for homosexuals, the truth is that it is.  If marriage is truly what gay advocates claim it is (to them, a declaration of lifetime devotion between two lovers), the miracle of reading shows that [1] states can’t actually prosecute homosexual devotion.  In real life, the movement for gay marriage only exists to force entire states of people who don’t like gay marriage to recognize and support it.

And in a twist of irony, while Leftists loudly proclaim that gay marriages cannot and will not affect straight marriages, they seem to believe that straight people can affect the quality of gay devotion by not condoning it.  Whoops.

2) “But I was born this way!”

Aside from the fact that the [2] American Psychological Association reversed their stance on the gay gene, saying that it doesn’t exist, yes–surprise–all people have biological urges.  But since every single behavior in the entire human race is caused by some sort of urge, we have to wonder: do people have a right to ban any sort of urges at all?  And if human beings have biological propensities toward all kinds of behaviors, then which ones should we ban?  Just a thought, but maybe the ones which offend [3] natural law or democratic social contract.

For fun, use this same “gay rights” argument if stuck in the following scenarios:

a) you were just caught after running from the police (fight or flight, they say)

b) you were just caught cheating on your wife

c) you were just caught urinating on a busy public sidewalk

Case in point: if it doesn’t work anywhere else, it doesn’t work here either.

3) “We’re being discriminated against just like blacks were before Martin Luther King Jr!”

Following hot off the heels of the last argument, this truly awful statement implies that the way you behave is like the color of your skin.  Not only is this [4] offensive to a heck of a lot of blacks, but it’s ironically the antithesis of that entire “judged… by the [5] content of their character” Martin Luther King Jr. thing, making the Civil Rights correlation a load of pants-on-head crazy, concocted by people who have no better ideas than to leech from and pervert the charisma and efforts of others.  We know the “grade F- sequel” strategy works, though, because Americans also enjoy paying serious money to see Shrek 4.

Dr. King already happened, people, and he said that we were to be judged by our behavior.  It’s time to move on.

4) “We don’t have the same rights as straights!”

This kind of argument also seeks to take advantage of Civil Rights movement legislation, under the argument that our legal system treats gays and straights unfairly.  But little beknownst to people under the age of seven, both gays and straights both have the same rights already: they can both marry a person of the opposite gender.  Of course, if straights were given the legal option to have homosexual or straight marriages, then we might have a problem.  But as one can see here, the problem isn’t with an unequal application of law, but rather with the definition of marriage.

And does the public have a right to define marriage and proper sexual relationships? Only if you think a 50 year-old man shouldn’t be able to marry three seven-year-old boys.

5) “There exists only a religious reason for the banning of homosexual behavior!”

Also known as “people who go to church shouldn’t vote according to their consciences,” because there’s no telling how much of their brains Jesus already controls.  On a separate note, only atheists are allowed to complain when people expose themselves in the park.

6) “We can’t have a ‘tyranny of the majority’”!

The key word here is “tyranny,” and you’ve got to ask yourself what constitutes one.  If banning (what’s perceived as) immoral behavior is tyranny, then which other behaviors do we need to legalize?  In protection of Barney Frank and our other elected officials, I would recommend prostitution and looking at porn while at work.  But joking aside, the truth is that the movement for gay marriage isn’t actually for gay marriage: it exists to force the American public to support and protect sexual behaviors they predominantly find offensive.  And if we begin here, then where will we be forced to go next?

7) “People who vote against gay marriage are homophobes!”

Yes, some people find behaviors offensive and gross, and yes, some people do not agree that all sexual behaviors are good.  Does that mean they have a psychological disease?  Yes, if your IQ is zero.

Pretending that everyone who disagrees with you has a disorder is called intolerance, something which the Left enjoys sanctimoniously condemning, but for some strange reason can’t refrain from.  Just for the fun of exposing hypocrisy, try publicly labeling homosexual advocacy as homophilia and see how long you can keep your job.

8) “The Bible says not to judge, and you are judgmental!”

This argument is listed last because it’s easily the Left’s crown jewel of stupid.  Also known as “I’m judging you for your judgment,” this effortless last-ditch attempt to silence Christians comes at the expense of all context and reason (especially since the Bible is very, [6] very plainly opposed to homosexual behavior).  People who actually read the books they quote are aware that [7] almost immediately after Jesus said not to judge, he said to not cast your pearls before swine, which forces us to recognize two truths.  First, that labeling someone “swine” is a judgment, strongly suggesting that “judging” means something other than “analyzing character and acting appropriately.”  Our second truth is that some preachers have been giving the wrong messages to all the wrong people (oink oink).

Here’s a really great idea: if you really believe that Jesus told you never to make any sort of judgments, do us all a favor and be a leader: keep your mouth shut.